David Cameron held his first Cabinet meeting after the triumphant election result achieved by the Tories. (They actually got 37% of the vote to Labour's 36% - that is a triumph isn't it? The newspapers insist.) Seated around what looked like a giant snooker table - all green baize - the meeting looked rather like a meeting of staff at some fancy school. Fancy, because when the Headmaster - the PM - made his dramatic entrance into the suitably hushed room, like a meeting of Quakers, everyone politely tapped on the green baize. Nothing vulgar or reminiscent of real life. Just gentle tapping.
The PM looked very very slightly humbled. Somebody must have suggested this to him as being a good move. And of course he made a speech.
The new Tory government has got to work hard on behalf of working people, he proclaimed, as the hush intensified. Workers deserve it. Workers are the life-blood of the country. Workers that is who have a job. Not shirkers. Workers who are really and truly unable to work and can prove it by getting themselves wheeled down to the appropriate employment agency, or sitting for hours in a hospital to see a doctor, or waiting weeks for an appointment with some GP, will get government help. Don't spend it all at once!
What a breakthrough for everyone this is! You could see it on the faces of the astounded cabinet. Especially the new carefully recruited women members. For this is Socialism at work! Handouts for the sick and specially the dying who wont need it long god willing. (What he didn't say was: It is to be hoped these failed and sick workers won't spend their benefice all at once in a bungled flutter on the horses otherwise starvation awaits. Presumably this is to be taken as read.)
But oh my goodness. Have the Tories all turned red? For here's the PM actually talking about workers, and using the scary word and asserting that a Tory government is a government for everyone, even including workers, and anyone who thinks otherwise is a traitor to the bourgeois cause. And lying quite openly and saying that he and his cabinet are all on the workers' side. Will everyone believe him? Surely not?
But is he suddenly aware of workers, and the awful lives we all lead under austerity - that is to say in Tory-speak: going without for the sake of the country and its ruling class. Or does the PM suddenly want to sound worker friendly like the defeated Red Ed Milliband did on the hustings, who might just as easily have been making this same Cameronian monologue himself in front of his own cabinet had things been different? Or has the PM been reading Capital god forbid and realises that the on-going essential provision of profit depends on having some workers actually and submissively on the underpaid job; producing commodities for sale that alone will produce the riches the ruling class deserve, and which will enable them to have a flutter on the horses too, and a refreshing holiday should they lose, which the unemployed miss out on as a result of being born poor?
Outside, in Trafalgar Square, discontents fought the police in protest at the Tory victory. They'd wanted Milliband and Labour to win. As if there's any difference between the political parties of the bourgeoisie in the phony democratic lunacy of a General Election.